I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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