I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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