so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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