I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
