what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
