dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
