Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
