If that was your dad, he is hot
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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