I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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