so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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