Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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