I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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