just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dignity is for republicans.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
