allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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