I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
