he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
