my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
