i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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