he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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