I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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