So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
