I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
