Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
