i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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