i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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