Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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