I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
