We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
