you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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