Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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