anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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