Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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