So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
