This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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