I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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