I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
