so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
