Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
