U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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