Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
