cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
