If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
