bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Welp...herpes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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