I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
