she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
