Someone shit on the floor
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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