Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
