Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
