Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
