haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
