plz talk dirty to me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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