I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
