The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
